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8/31/24 - VICTOR IS A MARKETABLE PLUSHIE

I commissioned Wickedstring creations to create a plush of my favorite little freak. Hes incredible. I'm going to snuggle him every night and throw him against the window also.

Pictures feat. MY CAT BEEGEE!!!!




"I hate my fucking life" - Victor Hedrom

California trip 2024: Mad's hometown!

Some sacred Mads lore is that I am from the beautiful lovely part of California known as San Luis Obispo County. There are several towns in the county and I consider more or less all of them home. When I was about 13, I moved to a few different places, none of which had the same special coastal, green environment that SLO had. I missed the area terribly, and hadn't seen it in close to 10 years. Moving out of state also meant being farther away from family, fresh produce, the ocean...

One of the biggest reasons for wanting to go on this trip was to see my 93 (?) year old great aunt Auntie Babe. I was also able to convince my cousins who lived a few hours up north to come down! With my dad and brother meeting us, we had a mini family reunion, something I haven't done since I was a little kid. It felt so wholesome since I missed them all so much. It's difficult for me to visit family since they all live out of state. I also wanted to see the house and 20 acre property I grew up in, where my dad currently lives.

I also had some awesome meals on this journey. Usually, when traveling or during moments of stress, I generally do not handle food very well (nausea throwing up upset stomach etc etc). This has been an ongoing symptom of my anxiety since before Covid, but definitely worsened during the pandemic years. TLDR it's taken me a long time to get through it, especially when traveling (or thinking of traveling) triggers it. But I did very well during this trip! In fact, I don't think there was a single moment I felt sick or nauseous. Nervousness, yes, but I was able to transform that feeling into excitement and a sense of adventure. Aaaah I'm quite proud of myself!


East coast oysters I tried for the first time! They were sooo icky but I loved eating them.

Some meal highlights: Indian food in San Francisco (beginning of the trip), and San Jose (end of the trip). Conveyor belt sushi and boba in SF Japantown, Monterey clam chowder and fried artichokes, Mexican seafood in Grover Beach (posole, catfish soup, and east coast oysters!), Klondike Pizza (veggie!), Mo's BBQ, veggie pho with thai tea boba, fresh picked cherries, strawberries, and apricots locally grown...ahh it was all so yummy! I don't think there was one bad meal I had on this trip.

The Cities:

San Francisco: tried to visit Silver Sprocket queer comics (they were closed). Community thrift on Valencia- awesome, I got a gay varsity t shirt. Japantown mall- super cool! I had been here once as a kid. We went to the Japanese bookstore and it was insanely cool with all kinds of import goods.


SF hello kitty plush I got for my friend Koinuko :3

Monterey: I've visited this lovely oceanside town a handful of times as a kid. Aquarium day! I did touch an isopod. Yes, it was awesome. Huge Japanese spider crab aughh I love you.



Pismo: I love this beach town...Mo's BBQ for lunch, a classic. Spent the day at the beach. Visited my dad's house. Incredibly emotional.


Homeless Whale spotted in Pismo.

Hollister: (not in SLO county but I lived here for a bit so that's fine). Visited my Great Aunt and cousins, we had pho and talked about our lives. Spent some time in Auntie Babe's garden talking about the fava beans she was growing. It felt so so special. Ate some of her super special italian cookies, they were so good they made me cry. Also got some family recipes to try out sometime!!! And continue the tradition...

Grover Beach: We went to this dune beach quite often as a family. Walked a section of the butterfly grove and played in the sand with my sig. other (heart emoji)


Nan's bookstore always had the best signs.

San Luis Obispo Sunset Swap Meet: Check out my visit here! It was incredibly special.

Avila Beach: Another beach day. Nice and warm today! Ate fresh fruit from Avila Farm and saw the animals. While we were walking around, seagulls got to our fruit and ate them all!! Oh no!!

Arroyo Grande: It's insane to me how little has changed...Ran inside an antique store and had lunch at Klondike Pizza (it's an Alaskan themed pizza joint and IT RULES...)

One of the structures my grandpa built sometime shortly after WW2. My dad now uses this building as a shed.

IDK I usually don't talk about myself too much here but I just wanted to talk about how important my hometown is to me.

OKAY that's enough of me showing you guys my vacation photos. See, see I'm putting them away, right? No more I promise!! Back to regularly scheduled nuclear content- WAIT I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT DIABLO CANYON-

Diablo Canyon Nuclear Power Plant

Oh yeah baby. Did you think I could go one vacation without talking about nuclear stuff, could you? When I was visiting my dad, I saw a plastic baggie with iodine pills inside, issued by the power plant to all citizens within a certain distance of the station. I asked him- "oh these must be old, they're decommissioning the plant next year right?" and apparently no! The plant got extended to 2030...so I guess yay if you're pro nuclear power, or boo if you're not. Note to self: research info campaigns on the safety of Diablo Canyon.

Diablo Canyon is the nuclear power plant responsible for creating my interest- and fear- in nuclear related topics. When I was about 12 or so, my mom was driving us to the beach when we heard an EAS broadcast on the radio, stating that there was a safety malfunction at the power plant. In terms of urgency, this was on the lower end, but still enough of a problem that the public had to be notified by radio. I don't remember much from the broadcast itself, other than this was one of the very first times I heard an EAS alert, and that it scared the shit out of me. My mom called my dad, with my brother and I in the car, telling him about the emergency and if we should head home or not. We decided to continue our beach trip, some 15 miles from the plant, much to my fear. We had an awesome time, playing in the sand dunes, but I had a looming anxiety the entire time- what if we needed to evacuate? What if the situation got worse? I don't think I understood radioactivity and the engineering behind power plants (I was 12 lol) but the real threat of being exposed to an invisible danger in my peaceful hometown was enough to scar me for life, which then turned to morbid fascination. Hence, ATOMIC GOTHIC WAS BORN!! YAYYY !!!!!

Surely you are Joshing

(my favorite april fools gags from around the internet 2024)

Ah I love the smell of tomfoolery in the morning.



Shes in my puter 0_o ?!? AI chatbox Daria pleaseee help me understand javascript please please. Yeah this is kind of funny but if Kyle Drake ever introduces AI integration like this for real I will be a little scared



As always, Tumblr does their funny little interactive site gag, this year you get to 'boop' other users, complete with a little cat paw animation, and of course, notifications. There is also no limit to how many times you can boop your pals... PVP based user experience for sure.



Finally Alleyrat takes a stand. The people have had enough.



Koinuko sends a blonde boy after me in her interactive website experience and I dont like it.



Sugarforbrains sends a blonde boy after me and I dont like it. well... maybe I like it a little bit.

2024 is the year of READING, POLAR EXPLORATION, AND CATS!!!

2/12/2024. Thank god for my friends, forcing me to read again! We are doing a reading competition together, whoever reads the most books in 2024 will receive a pool of money (each participant puts in a fixed amount). At the end of the year we will go out to eat and the loser has to pay for the winner's dinner! Each book needs a minimum of 150 pages to count, no manga, graphic novels, comics, etc. It's gotta be a BOOK book.

So far I'm at 7 books, the running theme has been polar exploration, a topic I've been fascinated with for a while. I finally finished Frozen in Time by Owen Beattie and John Geiger, a book I started in 2020. I did cry while reading it. John Torrington my beloved...

By far the best book I've read so far is Madhouse at the End of the Earth by Julian Sancton. I'd say this is the book that rekindled my love for the arctic and got me excited to read this year. I have been talking nonstop about The Belgica expedition, Roald Amundsen, and Frederick Cook. Aughgggghg I am so normal about them on Tumblr. I will probably talk more about them at some point (perhaps make a shrine??? idk...)

Shortly after finishing Madhouse, I started reading (and watching!) The Terror by Dan Simmons. I've wanted to check it out for a while now, but what pushed me over the edge was seeing fanart of one of the little guys in dresses on Tumblr, and well. I needed to know what that's all about. If there's two things I love, it's crossdressing and freezing to death in the arctic. I've been aware of this fandom for years and always thought it was hilarious that my niche interest in the Franklin Expedition not only had a TV series, but that people in their 20s/30s were blorboifying the little guys. Koinuko told me about how they affectionately referred to Franklin's crew as their Cold Boys... aww.

Using my parent's rural Colorado WIFI I managed to torrent the AMC miniseries (my third time trying to get into it) and DAMN it's good. I understand why there is such a passionate fandom about this 10 episode show (which! Had a bigger following than I thought!) I wish I could say the same about the book... I did enjoy reading it I think. But it sure is 700 pages (and a slog to get through at parts). The book varies from the show quite a bit but there were parts I liked a lot, like Fitzjames lisp, and the Coizer watching the boat catch fire and sink at the very end. But damn, the execution for the miniseries was so much more cohesive and interesting. It threw out all the uncomfortable male-gazey descriptions of naked womens' bodies, and gave more character depth to the main cast. I'd recommend the audiobook if you do want to read it, the narrator does an excellent job with the voices (most... of the time). I am definitely not the only one who has this opinion about the book (see Tumblr user jeyneofpoole's post below)



One problem I have with show is that. Ougghh it is so hard to tell characters apart. Between everyone having the name John and wearing the same moist coat, it's gonna take me a few rewatches to be able to tell who tf Jopson is.



I could say a lot more about this miniseries. Oughhh the transgender readings. Augghhh the Jesus Christ imagery. For now I will leave you with this toploader I made recently:



I just think she's neat.

Anyway. We also adopted a cat. Her name is BeeGee (Baby Girl).

Meat Day December 10th, 2023

It's the fleshiest time of the year! December 10th! Where we celebrate the anniversary of two very special yaoi BL games from Nitro Chiral (Sweet Pool and Saya), my best friend Koinuko's birthday, and John Torrington's Baptism Day!

Read Koinuko's post about meat day on her website!

First of all, why Meat Day? At first, the idea started out as a coincidence. Koinuko's bday landed on the anniversaries of two of her favorite visual novel games, the 15th anniversary of Sweet Pool and the 20th anniversary of Saya no Uta. Dec. 10th is also the recorded baptism day for one of my favorite historical ice mummies, John Torrington, the first sailor to die on Franklin's 1845 expedition to the Northwest Passage. And we were like hey, let's make a fun little day around this!



The theme of meat was obvious, as flesh/gore/blood is a major component in both BL games, and my beloved ice mummy is well... The best preserved body to be dug up from 140ish years ago. When they exhumed his corpse during Owen Beattie's research expedition in 1984, he still had his eyeballs, and they were able to analyze the contents of his stomach and other organs.

Unfortunately, we don't have very many historical documents from John's life. His exact birthdate is unknown, but he was born sometime in 1825. We do know his baptism day was on Dec. 10th. He died on the New Year, January 1st, 1846 after suffering from lead poisoning, lung problems including pneumonia, or maybe just a combination of illnesses (THIS IS HOTLY DEBATED) brought on by the poor conditions aboard the HMS Terror.



I made a shrine for John, consisting of a 13 inch tall stop motion puppet, a ceramic bowl with his face illustrated inside, a cross, tin cans, candles, wine, an acrylic painting, tea, and crumbled up crackers (to represent the hard tack he might've eaten). I hope he enjoyed it.



We had a cake (illustrated by Koinuko and printed with one of those special edible ink frosting printers!!!), fancy cheese/meat board, meatballs, a custom playlist, and Hello Kitty decorations. It was a very special time indeed. We also watched the FNAF movie and hey, it was actually pretty good IMO.

Have a very special Yaoi Christmas everyone : )

Shop update and MORE!

Hiiii all, after years of debating having an etsy shop- I finally made an account and threw a bunch of stuff on there. You can find it here. As much as I hate being a capitalist shill, I still gotta pay bills yadda yadda. There are some of my old patch designs and a ton of pottery. If you mention you found my store through this site, I'll add some extra stuff to your order ^^

Yesterday I also found the website behind one of my favorite mgs artists- Zarla at Ashido.com!! I need to update my mgs shrine with some links to their animations and comics, consider supporting them by checking out their site and storenvy!!

Mads's Oppie Impressions:

Pictured above: Me being a dork at the Oppie IMAX showing.


The movie focused mostly on how his involvement with communism effected his security clearance with the US AEC. Id say about 1/4 of the movie focused on Los Alamos, while his personal life and trial with the AEC took up the rest of the run time. This was a talking heads movie, and man could you see every pore on each wrinkly scientist's face in imax. This is not a problem I love old scientist men and the make up department did a spectacular job at it. Overall I was wishing for more of a spectacle.... BUT I still loved most of this movie.

The most exciting scenes were the trinity site explosion (duh) and the effects were fantastic (expected). Several scenes (oppie's house in Los Alamos) and the Boy Scout cabin were shot on location (I'm pretty sure). All the other sets were extremely faithful to what I've seen and read about the area/time period. No shots with Santa Fe though?

Everything with Hiroshima and Nagasaki was handled tastefully enough, they didn't show anything gory outright (expected) but the artistic liberties taken to show the anxiety/pain/suffering from characters and victims and a whole were overall good directorial decisions. In other words this movie doesn't show the horrors of the bombing, because it can't for a wide appealing IMAX product for a consumer market.

Einstein was extremely cozy looking (my favorite character along with Edward Teller). The scene with him near the lake felt a little ethereal, like holy shit that's HIM.

Not enough technical babble or lab equipment 1/10 (boo) they hardly showed any planes, detectors, or even like, criticality experiments. They didn't even explain the function (guts ) of the gadget, or mention it by name. There was maybe ONE scene with men in lab coats. APPAULING !!! I did love the movie but the average movie goer is. Going to have a hard time following this one unless they already know the story of the Manhattan project. A lot of ppl exiting the theatre were like.... Kinda meh about it. No applause at the end. Ppl in the bathroom were like "Yeah I guess I liked it?"

This movie also suffered from a lot of current movie editing trends, everything cuts too quickly and the audience isn't give enough time to really 'feel' a scene. I feel like a lot was cut to trim down the time. I'm wondering if this could've been a more cohesive movie with better editing? There were also a total of 36 different characters and even though I could mostly follow who is who, I could imagine it was incredibly difficult for most viewers to keep track of white old man #1,249. Such little time was spent on Niels Bohr, I forgot who he was when he showed up for the Christmas party scene, like who is this important man again?

Some things I enjoyed about the movie:

Oh my god the casting was spectacular. Cillian Murphy my beloved. David Hall (Rami Malek) slayed for the one scene he was in. Nolan managed to pack SO MANY scientists, many with heartfelt moments, into this movie, it feels wrong for me to complain that Otto Frisch (my favorite Los Alamos scientist) wasn't there. He managed to capture the awkward and argumentative family of scientists of Los Alamos pretty well!

One scene I keep thinking of is when Oppie is interrogated by the AEC at the end, and a blinding light reminiscent of the Trinity test's flash covers the actors as they scream at one another. To quote Red Letter Media: this movie is a three hour long anxiety attack. There were SO many good scenes in this movie, overall I did enjoy it a lot.


Other things:

I didn't pee during the entire 3 hour runtime. This is a huge accomplishment for someone who usually goes to the bathroom 3 times an hour.

IMAX theaters kinda suck but they are also amazing. I saw every wrinkle and blemish on every beautiful old man's face. They were colossal.

I saw some other people dressed up (yay). One guy wore an Italian mob style suit with a little fedora? Wrong movie but ok.

Really hoping for a blueray extended version so I can see the cut scenes. They showed the Chicago pile for like ONE minute.

Oh yeah we also saw Barbie movie it was great. Yeah I did cry at the end.

7/21/23

Mads Discussion of OPPENHEIMER directed by Christopher Nolan



alright okay I've had this topic saved in my drafts for like 5 months and now its FINALLY (almost) time to review it. Before I do, though, I thought it would be funny to make some predicitons.

I also (unfortunately) didn't secure tickets on release day, my plan is to see it first in IMAX 70mm (there is only one of this kind of theater in my state) so seats filled fast. I will see it on the 26th, so hopefully the theater will be less packed. This means I will also unfortunately be unable to do Barbieheimer in the same day, HOWEVER! I do plan on wearing something festive.... something along the lines of: *This Barbie is a nuclear scientist!* I will be bustin out my pink cowboy boots and lab coat, with dosimeter of course.


Pictured: what I will be wearing during the movie.

Now, for some predictions: This movie will be first and foremost a drama about the life of J. Robert Oppenheimer, while other Los Alamos scientists will make minor roles (please please have Otto Frisch play piano in the cabin please) the focus will be on Oppie, his early life, during the Manhattan Project, and his communist ties complicating matters after the war. I'm calling it now that this movie will definitely not show anything graphic from the POV of victims in Hiroshima or Nagasaki (Nolan's previous war film, Dunkirk, had minimal amounts of blood/violence/gore. It was kinda the most rated G war film I've ever seen). This film will be entertaining, but also extremely palatable and *safe* to the general American public. As a nuclear historian, I'm really hoping the movie does spend some time showing the ultimate horrors of the Manhattan Project, but knowing Nolan's previous work, the film will probably end with something like this:

Colonel Paul Tibbets walks on a runway to his B-29 bomber, the Enola Gay, and flies off into the sunset. A character, perhaps Leslie Groves, narrates his mission, the number of expected casualties, and the fear of how this technology will effect the future of war forever. The movie fades to black without an explosion.

I would be very, very surprised if this film spent any time at all on the Japanese victims, the natives of NM, or the ranchers near the Trinity site area. God, I don't think they'll even talk about Luis Slotin and his other ARS scientist friends. Don't get me wrong, I think this will be an amazing film, probably one of the most visually accurate representations of the New Mexico desert in the 1940s, but it will ultimately be noncontroversial.


They probably wont even have the scientists dance barefoot during the war afterparty.

I am MOST excited about Nolan's technical effects and props. The Gadget prop and Trinity site tower looks one to one from the real thing, as does the town of Los Alamos (down to the canyons and town layout). God, the Fuller Lodge cabin was even in the trailer AND IT LOOKS LIKE THAT!! I'm actually not sure if they shot on location, but I wouldn't be surprised if they did. Crossing my fingers they show the actual guts and construction of the bombs, the National Museum for Nuclear Science has some faithful exhibits, but nothing as *real* as what Nolan would make. I want to see the wires and metal and sweaty scientists walking around in aviators and shirtless and cowboy boots.


Pictured: The Gadget replica at the National Museum for Nuclear Science.

This is getting too long but anyway, very excited for this movie. I will be annoying in the theater and I will bring my CD geiger counter.

5/26/23

Yoo check out my nuclear collection page!!

5/25/23

Just watched Wargames (1983). Can you believe I haven't seen this until now? A very good movie despite the slower love story scenes in the middle. By far my favorite parts were the opening scene inside of the Titan II silo (Even tho the procedures were inaccurate to real Titan II operations) and the visuals of WOPR in the endless loop at the end...and man those giant map screens. So *chefs kiss*. WHICH REMINDS ME I need to write about my second visit to the Titan Missile Silo!! I actually got to turn the key this time!! A post for another day perhaps-

5/23/23

GEIGER COUNTER UPDATE: I GOT THEM I GOT THEM!!!!! The lads at the antique store gave me a whole 8% off which is not much but I appreciate it. I put them in the back of my car and tucked them into a blanket so they wouldnt wiggle around. Once I got home I cleaned them best I could... the insides need dusting and I haven't even tried opening the Babbel detector (which... actually says "Simpson Electric Co" on the dial. I cant find any info online but it looks identical to the Uranium Materials Co. Babbel counters so I'm wondering if there were different distributors for this counter...?) Anyway I'm already thinking of ways I can restore these (big talk from someone who can't read a schematic or like. Do any basic electrical work. Period.) They are such beautiful machines and aaaaa i love them aaaaaa special box go click click

5/22/23

Once again I am in the beautiful town of nowhere, Colorado! As I usually do when I visit this tiny town (to see my mom hi mom i love you mom) I will swing by *the BEST* antique store this state has to offer. Not that I've been to many antique stores in Colorado but... this place has what I am *specifically* looking for in terms of nuclear southwest history. I've visited several times in the past 3 years and each time I see this guy:



Pictured above: The Revigator! It puts radium in your drinking water because 1920s quack medicine was great. I've thought about purchasing this every time I come into the store but decide against it because: It Big and Heavy and my significant other would probably be upset if I bring any more toxic substances into our apartment. I will also note, the label taped to the crock is wrong. I have thought about telling the store owners about their little irradiated water crock but I kinda like visiting it each time so alas it stays. The last image is what it looks like on the inside.

Ok so anyway POV I'm digging through all this old electronic test equipment and all this junk is on this large shelf unit and hella dusty. I usually check these areas at antique stores (if they bother to have their inventory organized) because the dosimeters I'm looking for can come in cases and boxes that look similar to voltage/automotive/electrical test stuff. Also, a dosimeter (geiger counter) is a type of measurement tool so it makes sense to have them in the same place as other junky reading equipment. Rummaging through the bottom shelf I thought to myself... wouldn't it be funny if I found a geiger counter? It's not gonna happen but wouldn't it be funny if- HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!



Pictured above: Babbel counter (?) from Grand Junction CO. From what I can find online this counter closely matches this model but I will have to do more research later (thank you Oak Ridge website for your unlimited info on counters). This type was used from the late 1940s up until the early 1950s. Apparently they are pretty rugged counters... features include a vertical probe connected to the casing, brass fittings, and leather handle. I knew pulling this off the shelf that this was an oldie - I was expecting it to be the same brand as my first counter - a North Hollywood "Detectron" because of its lack of any CD branding. Some of the earliest detectors were for mining, starting in 1930, while Civil Defense "Fallout" devices were made and distributed to shelters and emergency services in 1950.

Okay so I was like. Cool. I'm gonna drop $150 on a dosimeter today. That is a lot of money but justifiable for a piece of history I really care about and want to document on this website. I keep diggin through junk on this shelf and. I'm like haha what if I find another one and I see a metal box with a very familiar brand name: Detectron. WELP.



t Pictured above: ANOTHER DOSIMETER FUCK I'M GOING TO BE SO BROKE. This chunky guy is a North Hollywood Detectron Nucliometer Model DR-290. It took a bit of googling to find the right model, but this site has some great info. It is larger than my other Detectron, comes with a canvas casing, and no probe? It could be outfitted for aerial use and was considered a lightweight counter. Unlike other survey or CD counters, this guy was used for more sensitive readings. I kinda wish it had more branding like Detectron's other counters but this one is still really cool.

Alright, so I bring my finds to the front counter and this lovely older lady asks me where the hell I found these. She also whips out a rag to wipe off the dust, she looks a little concerned. I tell her I'm a collector and I'm super excited to have found these counters and. Want to know if she can make me an offer on them because well $300 is a lot of money that I will spend on geiger counters but I would rather not if I can help it. She calls her boss but no response. I left her my number so she can call me back on a possible offer but I am SOOO anxious to grab these. It will probably bother me every moment until I drive back to the antique store. I plan on calling her tomorrow to see whats up. My goal is to ask for $250 and see if she accepts.



Happy April 30th enjoy this meme I made !!!!!!!!

12/30/22

Hey all! It's been a while. I figured I would give y'all an update about my plans for this site as well as some other things happening in my life. Generally, I've been spending a lot less time posting artwork to social media and I've been updating less here, but that doesn't mean I've stopped using Neocities! In the new year I definitely want to do some kind of site overhaul, making Atomic Gothic mobile friendly(ish), more cohesive, and have my webcomic more accessible (I need to convert it to Rarebit for peats sake!)

As far as my webcomic goals go, Atomic Gothic is definitely on some kind of hiatus, mostly because I've lost interest in illustrating the amount of panels I'd need to continue the story. I'm thinking of doing some kind of written continuation with illustrations... or maybe only black and white panels? I don't know... All webcomic artists know this feeling haha. BUT! I am absolutely still thinking about my ocs every day and they are still the most important creative aspect to my life, next to touching mud (pottery). I've always thought of my site as a kind of multimedia homage to my characters and that will continue :) !

I've been regularly updating my toyhouse with new oc art and ideas, spurred off from RPs with friends, and I also want to make some kind of project out of my unnamed clone concept (perhaps a short story/zine?) My ceramic work will continue as well - In late January I'll have access to a studio with all kinds of different glazes and firing temps! My store will be updated at some point with a ton of new stuff, and I'd love to do some small scale art fests next year! I'm looking forward to all the art projects I have planned in 2023, the creative juices are still flowing strong :)



Overall, my year has been filled with love and good fortune. I'm incredibly grateful to work jobs that I love, live comfortably with my partner, and be surrounded by people I care about. Recent events have made me consider the most important things in my life, and that is the people around me. In the new year, I want to spend more time with my friends and family, and really appreciate every little moment. Thank you to everyone who supports me on Neocities, and in real life, y'all mean the world to me.

11/13/22

Wow I really had 'rabbitholes' spelled incorrectly for like 4 months didn't I.

ANYWAY... some fun news: I got a pottery wheel!!! It's nothing too fancy, but I'm planning on setting up a little space for it so I can start wheel throwing at home.


Here's a pic of him :3 I'm thinking of naming him 'Chopper' cuz he spins...like a helicopter!

To do: read my work's kiln manuals to have a better understanding of how they operate (we have 6). A crackdream of mine is to someday be a kilnmaster, operating different kinds of kilns and fixing them all over the valley. Something something operating a bigass hot machine = masculinity.

11/10/22 - Friendship ended with MGS, The A-Team is my new best friend

Okay I have GOT to talk about this here or I will go crazy. I've been getting into the 1980's action/comedy show The A-Team because it ticks so many boxes (interest wise) for me. It's like, Metal Gear for silly people. Right now I will be talking about JUST THE TV SHOW which ran from 1983-1987. At a later date I will be watching the 2010 movie (again) to discuss in greater detail here.

The premise is- actually let me just copy paste the show's intro theme for you:

"In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The A-Team."

Ok so, a ragtag group of outcasts [check], ex soldiers/POWs who oppose forces of power, including the corrupt military [check], unintentional (intentional) homoeroticism [check], my favorite archetypes (con man, suave cool man, weird/funny man, tough guy with a heart of gold) [check], 80's action and cheese [check], silly hijinks AND!! potential angst [check]...

I started watching The A-Team sometime in 2012 as something to put on while I get ready for school (why did I pick this show out of everything on cable??? No clue lol. I think I had just seen the 2010 movie and really liked it??). Anyway, I fell in love with the characters, the silly way they interacted with each other (FOUND FAMILYYYY), and the formulaic, but comforting plot of each episode. Let me tell you this, the show isn't groundbreaking, and after several episodes they definitely get stale. The running theme of the show isn't insanely deep either, but that's where *fanfic* comes in lol. Either way, this show was very influential to the birth of my story, Atomic Gothic, several years later. The comic's initial debut was through this (outdated) art video, which takes a lot of inspiration from the comedy and character elements of the show.

As far as the characters themselves, they are not exempt from 80's action stereotypes. Murdock's character (as the 'crazy person') did not age well, and from what I remember from the 2010 movie, he's not depicted much better there either (this still doesn't stop him from being my favorite character though). There are a few instances where the show depicts migrant workers (played by white people) and Native Americans (played by white people wearing mascara as far as I know) but the show depicts them in a sympathetic light, on the side of the 'good guys'. Idk man it was the 80s.

As far as homoeroticism goes (my favorite subject) you have your pink sweater wearing pretty boy Templeton 'Faceman' Peck who has quickly become my new favorite character during my rewatch. He reminds me Reigen from Mob Psycho 100, except more bisexual. Every moment he bashfully talks to a lady (or man) while performing his con artistry is a treasure. Also, if I remember correctly, there's a sexually charged episode with B.A. Baracus and Murdock where B.A. (played by Mr. T) has to get a blood transfusion from the insane pilot after he's shot. You see, B.A. hates Murdock's hijinks and it's just really cute.



I really want to try writing some fic, or drawing some art, even if the 'fandom' is small. Also, I really want to compile a 'best of Murdock' moments because he deserves that.







For the time being, here's a fic I recommend that made me want to write this review in the first place.

10/12/22 -This anime season is boppin!!!

Both my boyfriend and my dearly beloved friend Koinuko hung out yesterday to watch the new anime season, including Chainsawman, season 3 of Mob Psycho 100, season 2 of Pop Team Epic, and season 3 of Demon School Iruma-kun. And MAN!!! Anime rules!!!!

I can see why the Chainsawman manga is so popular atm, the first episode made me like Denji SO MUCH, I think he's a contender for Most Likable Protagonist of 2022. Or maybe I just have a type (boys who are kinda sad and kinda dumb). I can't wait to see what the deal is with the angel demon, or who the fuck Power is. My buddies have been keeping me spoiler free so I'm thankful for that. Also the OST SLAPS!!! Anyway, I'm gonna hang out with my pals again today and do some ~vintage clothes shopping~. Talk to ya again soon!

Grab your chips and salsa... next stop - Movie Town, USA!

I thought it was about time I have a 'favorite movies' section of my site!

Favs in no particular order:

Liar of the White Worm

Re-Animator

Terminator 1 and 2

Alien 1 and 2

The Thing

Rubber

Johnny Mnemonic

Blade Runner (the first one and the reboot)

Pacific Rim

Shape of Water

Pokemon: Lucario and the Mystery of Mew

The Holy Mountain

Valley Girl

Labyrinth

David Byrne's True Stories

Stalker

The Ballad of Buster Scruggs

True Grit (2010)

The Big Lebowski

Nope

Troll 2 (edit: i wrote trolls 2 by accident lol)

Absolute Favorites:

Raising Arizona

2001 a Space Odyssey

Steak

Interstellar

Movies I need to watch:

The Lucky Dragon No. 5 (1959)

The China Syndrome

Godzilla (original)

Little Shop of Horrors

Narnia (again)

Phantom of Paradise

Squeeze It (Mystic Knights of the Oingo Boingo)

The Lost Boys

The Lair of the White Worm (1988)

I wanted to watch this movie after seeing this post from the tboyswag tumblr account. Like I want to watch a whole movie just for this lad, who thankfully turns out to be super fucking awesome in the film. Angus Flint, played by young Peter Capaldi of Doctor Who fame, should win an award for being the most Scottish person to ever exist, and long lost clone of myself.


What? You dont see the resemblance? Maybe it's the angle then-

Anyway, he plays an archeologist in the movie, injects himself with anti-snake-demon-venom, wears a kilt, and hides a whole ass mongoose in said kilt.

This is one of those 80s B-grade monster movies that has everything: beautifully weird nightmare scenes, sexy snake women, cults, bagpipes, awkward fight scenes, folk music, worms (so so many worms), and homoerotic tension. The film is labeled as a 'horror comedy' but the movie isnt so much funny as it is silly. I'm also not British so some of the 'jokes' probably flew over my head. Also content warning for like, weird/goofy sexual assault scenes. The movie doesn't dwell on these scenes for too long.

Not much to say about this movie plot wise, its 90 minutes of monster shlock, fun characters, and the most insane bagpipes scene ever.





9/14/22 - Atomic Gothic Music Iceberg lol (click for bigger image)



Dont think too hard about my music choices LMAO I chose what would be funny/obscure to like me and 1 other person.

Phoenix Zinefest 2022!

9/20/22 - Yoooo!! Zinefest ruled!! I was a bit anxious before the exent, just because I've had a few bad experiences vending. Thankfully, the phx zinefest team is AWESOME and put together a super well run, totally accessible fest! I met a ton of friends and even a fellow neocities user! There were a ton of new faces, which is always great to see. It's nice to see the zine community being super accessible/low barrier to entry, especially here :)

Incoming (unrelated) rant about my past vending experiences lol: I thought that (because I make art) I have to like...sell it ya know? Online store, online presence, art fests, all that jazz. The only thing is, etsy is expensive as HELL nowadays, social media does suck quite hard (if youre on neocities you already know this lol), and fests are a royal nightmare. I've attented vendor events, anime events, first fridays, second saturdays, art meetups, zine fests, etc etc. For one, it's difficult to host an event outside where it is regularly over 100 degrees for most of the year, in concrete strip malls and downtown areas. Heat bounces off the concrete making it a miserable experience for foot traffic and vendors alike. I've vended in downtown spaces, where your bathroom access is at the mercy of small businesses, often overcrowded with customers, and locked behind a keypad code. I've yet to see any easily accessible public bathrooms in my past vending spaces.

These events also always take place on Friday or Saturday nights to pull the largest crowds (understandable). This does mean competing with the public for parking spaces or areas to load/unload your artwork. It would be awesome if our public transportation system worked, but it would be also more awesome if there was a way for artists load in hassle-free. Often, we're expected to provide all of our own lighting, tables, tents, chairs- everything. Buying my own 6ft table and chair cost around $100 and I've yet to buy a 10ft tent- around $300. Costs to create your art is expected (materials, printing costs, etc etc), but there are also vendor fees which absolutely suck. Now, I'm totally fine with paying a $20 fee, or even a $40 fee for like, a really large event...but I've payed upwards of $80 for an event with pretty spotty foot traffic...to sit in a char for 8+ hours in the heat. I've also seen unestablished small scale events have the audacity to charge upwards of $150 for a 6ft space. I don't even wanna see how much anime cons are LOL, last I heard, our local large convention was charging something like $400 for a full weekend vendor spot. Which I guess... is worth it if you make quadruple that...if youre fine with sitting at a booth for 30 hours over 4 days...idk... This is all stuff I Can Not Do for one reason or another (having to pee every 30 minutes lol).

I see a lot of artists discouraged by this scene and have yet to make a profit from all the time and money spent on preparing for these events. I also see a lot of artists attempt ecommerce with little luck (a rant for another time lol). Idk it just sucks that there is a such huge barrier to entry for 'low art' as there is 'high art'.

I guess this is why I appreciate the folks @ phx zine fest (WIZD) so much. They had drinks and food for sale!! An air conditioned space! BATHROOMS!!! So epic.

Jordan Peele's Nope

(Mad's spoiler free recap!)

This is the best movie I've seen in like...A long time. Definitely the best thing I've seen this year in theaters. You know when you see a movie and you keep thinking about it for weeks after you first saw it? That's when you know you've seen a good movie.

I saw Nope completely blind (no spoilers/trailers/screenshots etc) and I would recommend the same if you haven't seen it yet. I plan on watching it again because there's definitely stuff you realize after a second watch (Jupe's cowboy hat...the lamp shade during the monkey scene...that shit blew my mind bro).

I really appreciate this movie for its close attention and consistent use of thematic details about 'the spectacle' and our role as 'viewers'. Nope weaves visual themes (white circle with hole) into unsuspecting set props and one off jokey remarks hold more weight than they seem. The timing - when we see glimpses of characters (and my beloved hole) with just the right amount of time for us to register what is happening before the movie cuts to another shot. The sound design...The fact that it's a horse movie at its core...The restrained and unrestrained use of violence and gore...The animation history lesson... discussion on the treatment of black + nonwhite actors/workers in the entertainment industry AND the entertainment industry's commodification of Trauma ...Aaaaahh!!!! The characters are also extremely likable - it's not hard for me to fall in love with a ragtag team of neurodivergent kids.

Anyway, I have so many thoughts on Nope but I'll leave it at this for now.

COMING AT YOU WITH A REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND!!!

I got Covid lol. 3/10. I had a week to do nothing and quarentine and it was great, except I was horribly lonely. The first day I felt better, I started having my period *sobs* so it was a double whammy of feeling gross and hormonal.

A bunch of friends and I went to Saboten con! 6/10. I had horrible anxiety the first two mornings we went and definitely threw up a lot. Would not recommend. Considering going back to therapy for this one... But! I did get to meet some cool friends and take some fun pics. We also sat in on a Dream SMP panel for like 10 minutes...for some reason. I also found a yaoi vendor that carried Obiwan/Qui-gon Jinn doujinshi, as well as a 'How to Draw Yaoi' book. If it wasn't $20 I wouldve bought it.

I watched my dearly beloved koinuko play Sweet Pool, an ABO (yaoi?) visual novel. 9/10 It sure was something? (I enjoyed watching her play one of the 'good' endings). Read her review for it here!!! Zenya did nothing wrong.

For a while now I've been working on a project to scan several MGS doujinshis I own, with a lot of troubleshooting (BUT this project is a lot of fun, 10/10). For one, how the hell do I get a scanner? I am working on a seperate website to host these scans, but I'll probably put them on Mangadex so people can add their own translations. All of the doujins I own are from the mid 2010s with maybe a few exceptions, so they definitely don't exist anywhere online (believe me, I've looked). They also arent offered for sale by the original artists anymore. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm the only one who owns the more old/rare ones. Also, it is very exciting to be the first one to archive these, especially as a huge fan of the series. I'll update this site with more info eventually!

Calorie Mate - Mmmmm...tasty!

Ya know that yellow food thing you can eat in Metal Gear Solid 3?



I've always wondered what they actually taste like. It also never really occurred to me that like, they're a real food item you can buy (in Japan).

Recently, a friend of mine from Japan came to visit! She had Covid the first day she arrived, and sadly had only a few days to actually visit us in person :( Anyhow! She brought many goodies, including *cough* doujinshi *cough* and a ton of Japanese sweets! Anyway, Calorie Mate is a kind of energy bar biscuit in the shape of blocks (they reminded me of sailor biscuits, except, actually chewy and tasty). She brought me 4 different flavors of Calorie Mate and the packaging was all in Japanese, so I didn't know what flavor I was trying until I actually took a bite. The dark red lettering (classic Calorie Mate) contained a chocolate flavored biscuit, and the light blue one had an almond flavor. I have yet to try the black and pink versions.

10/10 - Very tasty! My friend says she hates the chocolate flavor kind, but I think they're so good. If they sold these at US convenience stores, I would eat them all the time ;u;

7/21/22 - The little flying fish gets sick (1982) - A Japanese Radiation Exposure safety PSA

Boy do I LOVE finding videos like this. This PSA was previously lost media! The reason why this footage is so high quality is because it was ripped directly from 16mm tape, which provides a clearer picture than copying footage from a VHS. I hesitate to call this 18 minute cartoon a 'PSA' because there wasn't much information provided on the warnings or effects of radiation sickness, other than a high fever and eventual death. The film depicts fallout 'snow' but doesn't explain what it is, or how radiation affects the body. I would say this cartoon best explores Japan's historical connection to USA nuclear weapons testing more than anything. It is extremely effective in portraying the fear and confusion felt by Japan and communities in the Bikini Atoll islands following the 1954 tests.

Knowing what will happen to our little flying fish family (the title does give it away lol) creates an incredibly uncomfortable atmosphere for the first half of the cartoon. Little fish goes about his day with his family, playing with his friends and learning to fly for the first time, which he excitedly shows his mom. This PSA has that lovely old anime feel, complete with pleasant narration and adorable character design. The characters morph into a more realistic depiction of a flying fish as they jump out of the water - it's so charming! This makes the extremely abrupt explosion, complete with flashing lights and jarring noise, all the more terrifying (I see comments making connections to Barefoot Gen - and I would say these are both similar in tone). Personifying marine life from the Atolls is an effective way to depict the horrors of fallout, as fish populations were actually affected during these tests, and does not shy away from showing the dead bodies of fish floating on the ocean surface.

Even though Little Fish only has a run time of 18 minutes, I did find myself tearing up at the end. If you are interested in the emotional impact of the Bikini Atoll tests, or enjoy 80s education animation, please check this out!

Mads Reviews: eating at a Loving Hut restaurant

Have you ever eaten in a restaurant owned by a cult? Because by golly I never have until now. My buddy Hen suggested we meet up for dinner, and I wanted to eat somewhere healthy. Both of us had never eaten at a Loving Hut before, but it looked tasty enough. After struggling to find the place, I parked and walked inside to meet my friends. The vibe is... white yoga mom? They have plastic plants, wood planks decorating the walls, and an overall chill atmosphere. I ordered a fried noodle vegetable thing and a seltzer water. Then, we noticed the TV. It's playing a live stream news broadcast of current events, but with several language subtitles over the footage, to the point where the tv footage is completely covered up. We thought...ok weird? But...there was a watermark on the livestream-Supreme Master Tv.com-



After some brief internet sleuthing, we found the Loving Hut Vegan chain restaurant is owned by Supreme Master Ching Hai, a Vietnamese spiritual leader. The weird quotes on the wall started to make more sense. Wikipedia hesitates to call her organization a 'cult' but I'll definitely say there are some cult-like vibes going on here. Online sources list Ching Hai's numerous controversies, but as far as indoctrinating new members goes, the cult is pretty tame.



A snippet from their website.

More images from inside the restaurant.





Every image of the Supreme Master has this awkward airbrushed effect. If you're god's direct contact, you probably don't want to show your age (she's 72 now).



Oh yeah, The Supreme Master has a killer website.

It was honestly a really funny experience eating here. I had just got off from a stressful shift and was pretty irritable. The bizarre experience of eating tasty vegan food in a borderline cult restaurant really helped my mood. I wouldn't mind eating here again but I probably wont be giving them my money.